Married, Questionable Dating, and a new guy

The ladies I met in this group were from all walks of life. They had experienced anything you could think of. I was the second youngest, and then the age gap to the rest of the ladies was probably 20+ years.

I told my story. I’m not really sure how all the other women viewed me at that point. A sad, lonely, single mom? A whiny, not even old enough to rent a car 20 something? I guess it didn’t matter, but when you’re vulnerable as hell, you wonder what people are thinking.

A woman started to tell her story. Grew up with a veteran father who was injured and bed bound. Engaged and broke it off. Married and had 3 kids. The husband and two sons were in a car accident. The husband and one son didn’t make it.

Stop everything. I’m over here complaining about my failed marriage of a whole less than 2 years, and this woman lost her husband and a CHILD? Two women in the room took the cake for the saddest stories, and she was one of them.

There was a woman in the other group (they split us into 2 groups). She was very interested in setting me up with one of her sons. I met him later, and while nice, we were not compatible by any stretch.

She continued on to the group about the son that survived. He basically broke half of his body. He was in the ICU for a week where he almost lost his arm. Hospital for a month. Immobile for a year. Four surgeries. Five years physical therapy. Was told that he would have a severe limp and probably a shorter leg, if he did ever walk.

I think I just sat there staring in total disbelief that anyone could endure this.

I inquired about this boy who had a terrible last several years of his teenage life. He was single. It sounded like we had a lot of similar interests. I saw a picture of him.

Yay. Someone new to meet.

But wait. I’m still married (face palm). I mean sort of. We’re separated. Coparenting.

Wasn’t telling my story supposed to help me get my act together? So now…I’m married, there’s this side piece that I can’t seem to break free of and there’s this stable, handsome, interesting man MY OWN AGE that I could meet.

Here we go again. Do I tell my husband that I’m finally done? Do I tell Mr. Not So Wonderful that I’m done ….again? The roller coaster that comes with divorce is unrivaled. Is it ok to date? Maybe date but not have sex?

I don’t suppose it’s ok to be married, sleeping with someone when you’re drunk and maybe meeting a new man to date?

Feeling about an inch tall and not AT ALL worthy of meeting this man who would probably think I’m the scum of the earth…I messaged him on Facebook.

Commence racing heartbeat.

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